• Dani doesn't remember which movies we've seen.  Well, sometimes she says she knows she saw this one or the other, but she can't remember what it was about or who was in it.  But she's sure she saw it.  Or maybe one with a similar title.  She thinks.

• Dani doesn't remember where she put her phone.  That's why you get the voice mail and then we call you back a few minutes later when we've figured out where the beeping is coming from.

• Dani doesn't remember how long we've been together.  She's sort of in a safe zone at the moment because she can say "about 3 years."  Unfortunately, she doesn't remember whether she's rounding up or down.  (Correct answer: >3.5 years.)

• Dani doesn't remember where she put the receipt.  Let's just say I've had to ask her many, many times, but the answer is always the same.

• Dani doesn't remember who those people are in many of the photos in her albums.  Unlike my compulsive mother and I, Dani never bothers to write anything on the back of the photo to remind herself in, say, the week or so it took her to develop the pictures just who those people were.

• Dani doesn't remember how many orgasms she's had after the first one.  And it isn't like we're talking double digits here, so come on! (No pun intended.)

• Dani doesn't remember the last couple loads of laundry.  One is still in the washing machine.  The other is in the dryer.  Hopefully the latter is dry and okay, but the former needs to be washed again because it sat there getting moldy for a week.

• On a related note, Dani doesn't remember to empty the lint trap on the dryer, so my fears of burning to death in my sleep aren't completely unfounded.

• Dani doesn't remember that she has Scotch tape at home... so she buys another roll of it.  And another.  And another.  (We're up to 7 rolls... or a lifetime supply in most third-world countries.)

• Dani doesn't remember where the trash can is in the kitchen most mornings.  She has never asked me to find it for her or anything like that, but there is abundant evidence of some sort of lapse... usually in the form of the plastic milk bottle ring being left on the counter.  Perhaps the problem is with her eyes?  I don't know.

• Dani doesn't remember my birthday, or at least she completely forgot it once.  The whole morning of mine I kept saying things like "Could you make me breakfast in bed like it was my birthday?" and "Could you give me a massage like it was my birthday."  Her response was to tell me to go fuck myself; I didn't deserve anything special.  The guilt set in around 2pm when it finally dawned on her what the date was.

Here's the face Dani made when I read her this list... It's unforgettable.

Back to the index