Here are your choices: Shorts or pants.  Chose.  There's no excuse for wearing pants that look like you borrowed them from a ten year-old and let them out in the waist.  The best thing about winter is these disappear along with that youthful tattoo indulgence on your ankle.

See capris.  No, actually these are even worse.  They're a tease because guys can't wait for you to sit down in them, then they go to sneak a peak and, hey, wtf?  Where did all this fabric come from?  Please don't jump on the bandwagon if this fad ever comes back.

I'm not trying to beat you in a race, and we can have a seat it you want to look me in the eye.  These are to locomotion what wire-hooped bustle skirts were to sitting.  Why haven't heels taken a similarly fast track to extinction?  Probably because you can't walk in them.

The very name should be unappealing enough, so why would you wear a garment that is too stupid to figure out that your waistline is several inches lower (and slimmer) and not halfway up your ribcage?  Apparently the rationale is they're supposed to make guys go, "Oh, hey, look at that.  She has breasts."  Trust me, we're going to figure out where those are.  What we'll wonder is when the baby's due.

Sure, I like your shoulders, but I really don't need to see you tugging on your top all night because it keeps slipping where you don't want it and I do.  Could you not find something a little lower-maintenance and look just as good?  Of course, if you really want me to shoot myself, wear a strapless moo moo around me.