Fuck Buddy Screener
Here's a quick screener for those seeking a pulse or looking for someone with whom to quicken theirs.
Have a pencil ready so you can keep score.  Ready?  Begin now.

1. You are...

A) ...a female. (2 points)
B) ...male, but slender, good with duct tape, and maybe Asian. (1 point)
C) ...going to have better luck at a frat party due to the homoerotic nature of the hazing rituals coupled with copious amounts of alcohol.  (-10 points)


2. Your breasts are...

A) Cs or more. (0 points)
B) Bs. (1 point)
C) Two points. (Guess.)


3. Your favorite place to do it is...

A) ...on the internet. (0 points)
B) ...your well-equiped basement dungeon. (1 point)
C) ...liable to include anywhere you and I are at the moment. (GPS points, please?)


4. The most important thing to you in a sexual partner is...

C) ...stamina. (2 points)
B) ...Viagra. (tipping point?)
A) ...a strap-on. (0uch)


5. Threesome?

A) What do you mean that doesn't do anything for you? (0 points)
B) Count you in? (1 point)
C) You're bringing who?  Your twin sister?! (10 points)


6. I say "sex toys" and you think of...

A) ...vibrators. (0 points)
B) ...power tools. (1 point)
C) ...imaginative uses for swing sets and velcro straps. (2 points)


7. Your boyfriend...

A) ...likes to watch. (-10 points)
B) ...is out of town. (0 points)
C) ...is actually your girlfriend with a gender-neutral name; sorry about the confusion. (2 points in my little black book!)


8. You find me sexiest in...

A) ...boxers. (0 points)
B) ...a Halloween costume. (1 point)
C) ...hip waders. (2 points)


9. Sex and love are...

A) ...two separate concepts that you can keep straight. (2 points)
B) ...two hard too spell. (What's the point?)
C) ...two things that inevitably lead into one another and are going to cause problems of the big, messy crying kind. (Wooden stake sharpened to a point.)


10. Your idea of a great porno is...

A) ...anything with Jenna Jameson. (0 points)
B) ...homemade. (1 point)
C) ...the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special. (5 points of articulation)


Okay.  Total your score and lets see if I can with you.
Negative infinity to zero points = Good luck at this year's sci-fi con.
Zero to ten points = Hmmmm.  No reasonable offer will be refused.
Ten points or better = The bearer of this certificate is entitled to a free ride!
Copyright 2007 Alexplorer.
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