Carrot Top -  I saw him play our college years ago.  Twice.  He totally killed.  Twice.  Yeah, he's goofy looking.  Newflash: He's a comedian.  Since when did you have to want to fuck someone to get the jokes?  You know what he would be called if he directed movies?  Quinten Tarantino.

Coldplay -  Okay, if you hate U2, then I guess you can get them mixed up.  Bono annoys me, but they still write good songs, he has a good voice, and they put out good music.  Same with Coldplay.  Yeah, "Apple" is a silly name for a kid, but I've heard worse, even by other white people.  If you want something to complain about, listen to Coldplay's early material.

Kevin Costner -  I'm less annoyed by him and more irked by people desperately reaching for something to complain about.

Paris Hilton -  Okay, honestly, I hate 99% of the things about her everyone else does.  What I don't hate are her tits.  There's nothing wrong with a small pair.  I fucking love small tits.  What I hate are people who describe her as "that little-tittied bitch" as though "little-tittied" is an insult.  It's the same way as I hate it when people say "that queer mother-fucker Nathan Lane" in which "queer" is intended (like "little-tittied") as pejorative, not descriptive.  Instead try "obnoxious (and certainly not fucker of any females, blood relations or not) Nathan Lane."

George Lucas -  Hey, I wasn't crazy about the first couple prequels (or Return of the Jedi, for that matter) either, but you know what?  Those movies could have been complete audience-pleasing hack jobs.  George Lucas doesn't give a fuck; he's going to do what he damned well pleases.  He's got the money to do it his way.  You know why?  Because he's always done what he damned well pleases, and it just makes him richer.

Rosie O'Donnel -  Again, you don't have to want to fuck her to watch her talk show.  I mean, I'd fuck Kelly Rippa, but I'd want to slap her across her face first, even though that probably would preclude me actually getting to fuck her.

Richard Simmons -  Fuck you homophobes.  Here's a guy who honestly and unapologetically goes around and tries to help people.  People give him shit and he never gives up, not even on people the rest of us would give up on.  Okay, I'll admit his hair bugs me, but what you see as flaming, I see as sincerity.

Barbara Steisand -  Even though I'm not a fan of the music, she is possibly the most on-pitch singer alive.  She's made some good movies over the years as well.  She's a major Democratic contributor.  And I have a thing for women with real noses (my own modified one not withstanding).  Shut the fuck up about her already.

Billy Bob Thornton -   He may be crazy, but it's a good crazy.  Come on, we both know what this is really all about.  You're just jealous deep down because he got to Angelina before you.  Guess what?  Even Brad Pitt's taking sloppy seconds after this guy.