Tina's Top Ten
Tina never hangs out with me in real life.  This could be because she passes out asleep on the couch on her way out to New Years Eve parties (true story) or maybe because of letters I write her like this one.  Whatever the case, I sent her this to give her a hard time.
Tina,

I just saw this on David Letterman:

Top Ten Reasons Why Tina Won't Hang Out With Alex

10. Hates nice guys.

9. Is embarrassed about copious gas brought on by sudden, radical vegetarianism.

8. Doesn't want to push Randi over the edge and maybe end up on 'Cops' again.

7. Excema.

6. Persistent rumors about Alex's penis size may in fact be true.

5. Afraid of getting roped into being the flower girl at the wedding.

4. Currently out of Paxil and is too agoraphobic to leave her apartment to pick up the refill.

3. *[Unavailable because Tina was asleep on the couch (again) and could not be reached for comment.]

2. Advised by her shrink to keep her fantasy life separate from real life.
 

...And the Number One Reason Why Tina Won't Hang Out With Alex:
1. Doesn't like the fact that friends might start referring to the two of them as "T'n'A."
-Alex.

Copyright 2007 Ale[x]trovert.
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